Fresh-FACED and glamorous, Patsy Palmer looked every inch the star at The British Soap Awards.
Seeing her now it's almost impossible to believe she battled for 20 years with drink and drugs - and still relieson addict support programmes to stay clean and sober.
"You can get dressed up and look great but inside you might be dying," says Patsy, 37, with disarming honesty about her former problems. "I felt like that. In this business you can get away with murder. You try to make yourself look nice from the outside, but if you're not feeling good inside, what's the point?"Flame-haired Patsy - tipped for a prestigious soap award last night - shot to stardom a s m o u t h y market trader Bianca Jackson at just 21. But off screen there were all-night parties and binges on drink, cocaine and ecstasy which would nearly claim her life.
Patsy - who first went on stage at the age of six - has admitted drinking alcohol at eight, sniffing solvents at 11, and snorting cocaine at 13. At 20 she was a single mum living with baby son Charley in a tiny damp flat in London's East End. Her life revolved around clubbing with her mates and she was still partying and doing drugs when she joined the cast of EastEnders.
"Quite often, I'd party all night and go into work the next morning, just grabbing sleep on the set whenever I could," she has confessed. "I don't know how I survived."
But Patsy says now: "My emotions were completely unmanageable at that time and I don't think I realised how unmanageable they were until I stopped. When I look back and see how much I've changed I think I was a different person."
Her first marriage to filmmaker Nick Love in the summer of 1998 lasted just five months. She was on the verge of a nervous breakdown when she was helped into rehab by a producer at EastEnders and finally broke free from her addictions and became teetotal in September 2004.
Her second marriage, to London taxi driver Richard Merkell in 2000, provided the stability she needed that set her on the road to sobriety.
Richard, 44, had been a family friend for 15 years. They are so happy that Patsy says she wishes they'd got together when she was 13 to save her years of heartache. Her children, too, have helped her keep on an even keel. But to this day she won't allow any alcohol under her roof. "We don't have drink in our house," she says.
"Richard is a social drinker but he doesn't drink at home. I f o l l ow the 12-step p r o g r a m m e f r o m Alcoholics Anonymous a n d N a r c o t i c s Anonymous."
Patsy, whose real name is Julie Ann Harris, adds: "Ask yourself, 'Is drinking and taking drugs stopping you from being the best person you want to be?'. And if the answer's yes, it's time to knock it on the head. Richard and I didn't want that for our life. I didn't want to be falling out of clubs. I wanted a settled home life and now I have." Eldest son Charley is now 18 and, after modelling for elite agency Storm, is studying at the BRIT School for Performing Arts. Surprisingly, despite her own soap success, Patsy is not keen n her son going into acting, too.
"I don't want him to be an actor. It's too insecure. So I'm pleased he's got lots of other talents." Even so, she adds: "He's a brilliant actor, though - a lot better than I was at his age. He's also 6ft and absolutely gorgeous. I know I'm biased but he was with a top modelling agency, so it's not just me who thinks so. He has a lovely heart too. He's also a really good writer."
Patsy has two children with Richard - Fenton, nine, and Emilia, eight - and would consider having another one. "Who knows, there's still time," she says. "I think Richard would like another child. We're really family-orientated. "I would never rule out adopting either, because there are so many kids who need homes. I think Angelina Jolie and Madonna are fantastic for adopting kids."
After walking out on EastEnders in 1999 Patsy said she'd never go back to the show because the storylines were too far-fetched. But BBC bosses finally persuaded her to change her mind.
And when she returned two years ago, with onscreen husband Ricky Butcher, played by Sid Owen, ratings jumped from 9.5 million to 12 million. The pair have just been nominated for Best On Screen Partnership in the British Soap Awards.She says the timing couldn't have been better to return to the soap. "I honestly thought I'd never go back," she says.
My kids were babies when I said I wouldn't return and then I couldn't imagine going back full-time, but now they're school age."
She remembers her first day back on set: "I was sitting there and I got this wave of panic, I thought 'the kids!'. Then I remembered they were at school, so even if I was home they wouldn't be there.
"Their dad looks after them while I'm at work." Patsy, who lives with her family near the sea in Brighton, couldn't be more different from dour Bianca. But she is genuinely fond of her character.
"I love the Jackson family," she says.
"They're always laughing and smiling and I really wanted that.
"Bianca's kind of downtrodden but because she hasn't got anything doesn't mean that she has to be miserable."
EastEnders stars often talk of the cast as being like one big family. And while there must be occasional ructions and fall-outs, Patsy says the same. "We sit around and chat about anything from psychology to babies, to Hello! magazine, to what's happening with Cheryl Cole," she says.
"Or we go to our dressing rooms and have a little sleep or go to the green room and have a game of pool. It's like a big school, really. There's a lovely energy."
Patsy is certainly not lacking in energy - off screen she tirelessly raises money for children's cancer charity CLIC Sargent.
She says: "To lose one of your kids - it breaks my heart to think about it. My energy goes to trying to help as much as possible. My life's a joy now. As long as I can continue avoiding all the things that destroy my soul, I can be happy."
For more information on Patsy's charity, go to www.yummymummy.org.uk. This interview appears in the new issue of Woman's Own magazine, on sale on Tuesday.
No comments:
Post a Comment